And then....

We haven't posted in awhile, mostly because we've been busy loving our beautiful son! Also because I'm not sure where our "adoption" story should go from here. I know there is more to be told, but I am lost at how to proceed. I could strive to become the phenomenal adoption advocate and super mom that our friend Brittany has become. (Check her out folks, she educates in a way that improves the adoption community). I could become a Down Syndrome advocate and help to raise awareness and understanding. Noble causes and all things I think we will do in our own way as we continue this blog. How can we not? Both are now such an important part of our lives.

But for now I just can't shake the feeling that the most important thing for me to do is be the Mom I want to be. Take this time to build our family nest here at home and love Elliot with every ounce of energy I have each day. I mean look at this face? It simply must be kissed and loved all day every day.

The one that ends with parenthood...

Monday August 8th I am checking facebook at work, that's right I'm a rebel, and I notice that on the Families Supporting Adoption (FSA) group there is a new post. Being a good little FSA member I jump over there to see what is up. And there it was, a simple notice....

"The Mesa agency has been recently informed of a potential placement of a baby with Down Syndrome born two days ago. If you are currently certified and would like to be in the pool of couples considered for this placement please let your caseworker know ASAP. This baby will be placed with a family within 24-48 hours."

My heart jumped from my chest. I called Josh and read the notice to him. He was quiet for maybe 20 seconds and said, "Yes, call Larry." And so I did. I love the answer I got, "What are you talking about? I've been on vacation all last week and have no idea what you are talking about. Call the agency." Ahhh yes, the old I have no idea answer. Always comforting. :) The agency however was on top of it!

After a series of phone calls and Josh and I doing some private prayers at our place of business, we asked to be put into the pool for consideration. I simply couldn't speak of this child without my heart rate increasing and my mother alarm going off......LOUDLY. I was cautious and wanted to protect my heart. However it had other plans, I remember saying, "I know I am supposed to be involved somehow. Even if it is just to raise my hand and say I want this child. I love this child already. I would choose to be the mother." We were advised the child was a boy and that if we were chosen we could be bringing a child home by the end of the week.

LDSFS kept calling me and asking if I had other questions, I felt like I was failing some quiz. Shoot, was I supposed to have other questions? I just knew I wanted them to pray about us. It felt so right. So I called Josh and asked him to call with some questions. He is much better at that then me. He did and was told several things, the birth parents wanted LDSFS to choose the adoptive parents and they wanted a closed adoption. We spent that night praying that this valiant boy would find the eternal family he belonged to. That the birth parents would find comfort in their choice and that all involved would be guided to find the right place for him, whether that be with us or not.

Tuesday morning we heard from LDSFS again, Larry our caseworker called and said, "You have been chosen! We will call you with more details soon!" It was crazy!! We were elated. Josh and I finally felt we could call our immediate family and let them know. One brother screamed and cheered. It was another brother's birthday. It was fun to call and tell him, "Hey I got you and awesome birthday present this year, a nephew!!" Everyone went berserk. This moment was years in the making and people simply rejoiced!

Six hours later we got another call, "So...things have changed. Other families would like to be considered and the birth parents would like to be involved in making the decision. So just hold on." Everyone always says adoption is a roller coaster but talk about up and downs folks. Within a 6 hour span I was going to be a mom and then I was suddenly back in the waiting line. And so we waited and started praying. We didn't call our siblings back and tell them things might be called off...we simply flew by blind faith at this point.

Wednesday night on my drive home from work I received another phone call...bracing for what I thought might be a no I buffeted the phone call with many questions. Finally the caseworker cut me off and said, "You have been chosen, again. We want you to come to the hospital and meet him!" And then he asked me the silliest question ever, "How soon can you be to the hospital?" "How about now!!!" However, it was late in the day and we had to be escorted by caseworkers to the hospital and so it was decided that we would meet Thursday late afternoon.

Thursday afternoon we arrived at LDSFS and headed to the hospital. It was all very surreal. I was going to meet my son! He was in the NICU because he needed to learn to eat and regulate his temperature. We could handle that! I figured we'd be there a week and then we'd be home! And so we walked through those doors and the moment we said hello will always be with me. It was brief but it was magic. We quickly met a whole slew of people. Hospital caseworkers, nurses, doctors, physical therapists, speech therapists, they just kept showing up. We were taken through his health conditions and his potential pending challenges. But what we couldn't stop admiring was the way he seemed to wisely look at us, his strength and his perfect skin. Once things settled down, we were allowed to hold him and feed him, all the while trying to find his name.

We had a list, one we'd sort have always worked on and revised over our 9 years of marriage. Baby names is sort of a favorite topic of mine. So we debated and talked and called him one name for an hour, then another, but Elliot just kept coming forward. You would say, "Hello Elliot!" And he would turn his little face towards you. We just knew that was his name. And in Josh's family you pass on a male family name as a the middle name and so he became Elliot Scot.

We got another surprise that day! His birth parents came to meet us! It was good, we like them and we felt that they liked us. We talked to them about our desire to have an open adoption and our hope to see more of them. Since that initial meeting, we have seen each other several time and each time I find myself more and more sweet on them. I simply want to wrap my arms around them and find some way to transfer all the hope and love this act of placing their child with us has given me. We hope our relationship will grow.

Oh and remember how I said I thought it would only be a week or so until we got to take Elliot home from the hospital? Try three weeks! Elliot battled at the beginning but he has come home strong, handsome and ready to own this town! We are still working on our eating skills, but we see improvement every day. I suspect it won't be much longer until he is eating like a champ, waking me up at all hours and running the house and we couldn't be more delighted.

Eternal Timing

Josh and I have rumbled through some trials the last few weeks and it has caused me to be introspective. So I'm going to get a little preachy here as I write down my feelings. Excuse the sentimentality.

I am blessed with Goodly Parents. I would say that as I've aged and talked to others, I can look back on my childhood and say that though it wasn't perfect it was pretty ideal. I was raised with in a home where my parents enforced the idea that my best friends were my siblings and that family came first. We were taught to have faith, to love and to be continually learning. It was a home of love.

I am blessed to have siblings who I consider my best friends. Good job, Mom & Dad. I love them and would literally do a triple sou kou to be with them. Brothers who are valiant and kind and a sister who leads by example,teaches me grace and how to be the best of mothers. They are a blessing in my life.

I am blessed be married to Josh. He keeps me steady.

I am blessed with a testimony of eternal timing. I am not a patient soul. Sure I can stand in lines or sit in traffic, but I'm talking about eternal timing here. When it comes to eternal timing, I'm the lady who sits in the corner, stares at her watch, taps her toe and sighs.... a lot. It would be one of greatest faults, I don't have patience for things to come to pass. However, at this time in my life, I know I am on the right path as impatience has subsided and peace has come.

One of my "go to" phrases in this whole adoption process has been "Let go and Let God." I'm finding that phrase slowly crossing over into every aspect of my life. Yes, we are to prepare and work and do all that we can. And then.... well then I believe it is all up to eternal timing.

500 Buckets

We have a little project. We are collecting little precious objects and putting them in two clear buckets. Things that we love and things from those we love. Our hope is to give one to our birth mom one day and to put on in the nursery.

I’m making a little journal list of everything that goes in the bucket. Our collection is varied and awesome already. We have rocks from my parent’s front yard. A mini race car from my nephew. Mint tins from a brother. Three pennies representing our birth dates and anniversary. An Indian arrowhead from our dear friend. We also have a root beer barrel candy because Josh loves those things. He becomes giddy when he finds them in a store! The goal is to collect 500 items that all tell a story or relate to a loved on. It’s our bucket of love!

Why 500? Well you might not know but every waiting adoptive couple can check their “stats.” They can see how many hits they’ve had on their profile. When we started the project we’d just hit 500. Through some Internet magic our hits have increased more rapidly than before since then, but I’m like the number 500 so we are sticking with it! 500 is a lot to begin with, it could get out of hand pretty fast. Then it won’t be a bucket, it would be the barrel of love. Not necessarily bad, just heavy!

I’m suddenly reminded of that song “Seasons of Love” from the musical Rent. 525,600 minutes. I’m imagining this gigantic Bucket of Love! Yes we’ll stick with 500.

We’d love to have you contribute! Send me an email and I’ll shoot you our address. Send us two of the same item, one of each bucket.

Guest blogger: Future Grandma Robin

One Determined Santa

I will never forget the year Ellen and Josh came to spend the Christmas holiday with us. I was amazed when one relatively small suitcase produced a wide variety of packages, including a rather large and rather heavy rectangular box. Nevertheless, all were placed dutifully under the tree by Josh. Ellen has long since been banished for touching, rattling or sniffing Christmas packages. Why? It is practically impossible to surprise her!! She has some second sight about what is inside a wrapped package. However, this year was to be the year. Josh, her special Santa, had decided that there was going to be at least one gift that would be a total surprise.

Christmas morning brought with it that general sense of chaos. Among all the ohh's and ahh's, there was an occasional shriek of an unexpected surprise. Ellen enjoyed it all, but pretty much knew what was coming before the ribbons were cut and the paper shredded. Josh watched her with a sly smile on his face. He had retrieved the rather large, rather heavy rectangular box and hid it close to his side. As things began to wind down he pulled it from it's place and set it before Ellen. She startled a little. She certainly hadn't forgotten about the box, but he seemed so sure of his surprise it made her wonder. They decided to play. "What is this, Josh?" she demanded. "I guess you'll have to open it, in order to find out. Don't you know what it is?" he replied. Ellen fell into a little pout. Josh loved it. "Go ahead," he said, "pick it up, squeeze it, shake it, give it the sniff test." Ellen's eyes narrowed as she gave his face the once over. "Oh, you think you are so sneaky, don't you?" Josh gave his familiar chuckle. "Maybe so, but you haven't got a clue what's inside there and you're never going to know until you open it up." Ellen scrunched up her nose and puckered her lips. She thought about it for a minute and then said, "Fine. I'll open it."

The ribbon and bow was detached. The paper ripped to shreds. The box opened and it revealed----a telephone book. Unimpressed, Ellen pushed her eyebrows together. Josh pretended not to notice. "Telephone book----always a helpful item around the house. You can find all kinds of things in the yellow pages." Ellen laughed. She started to flip through the pages--a little in the front, a little in the back. "What?" she demanded. "Keep looking." Ellen began to turn the pages again, this time more carefully. It wasn't until she made a complete, determined search that she found a small cube that had been carved into one section of the yellow pages. And in the cube was a small box and in the box was a velvet box and in the velvet box was a lovely ring.

At last! A shriek of unexpected surprise. He had done it! Santa Josh had totally surprised his Ellen.

Guest blogger: Future Aunt Stacie

My name is Stacie. I am Ellen's sister. I am married to Dustin and we have two children Tate, age 8 and Jill age 5. (Well almost 5.)

My favorite thing about Josh and Ellen is all the time they take to be a TERRIFIC aunt and uncle. My children adore them and it is easy to see why. Let me tell you some of our favorite things!

Josh and Ellen have a steady income and try to be generous. Keeping that in mind, they choose to use their time and money enjoying their family! Every time we are together, Josh and Ellen see to it that we do plenty of fun things for the kids. We go to the zoo, aquarium and children's museum. They seek out places where they can have FUN with their nieces and nephews. And it's not good enough to just go to the "kids places" they are in there making the magic happen. There is not a display at the children's museum that Josh and Ellen have not explored with the kids! They figure, what is the fun of pretending to be a newscaster if you aren't doing it with your nephew?
They believe you are wasting your time at a park if you are not pushing a swing, catching someone at the end of the slide or taking your turn being "it" for the game.

My son Tate was once cast as a munchkin in the Wizard of Oz. I was really struggling with finding a costume for him. Aunt Ellen to the rescue! Ellen is a talented seamstress and she made the best munchkin outfit you have ever seen. Pants, vest and matching tie! Tate looked so good, that Jill even had to take a turn trying it on. We also had a year were we struggled financially. We weren't sure what we were going to do about the upcoming Easter holiday. Uncle Josh and Aunt Ellen sent us brand new Easter Sunday church outfits for both Tate and Jill! Jill spent the day asking people if they wanted to see her "twirl" and then spinning around in her cute dress.Personally, I think that Josh's greatest attribute is his caring nature. The guy would literally give you the shirt off his back if you asked. Say you need help and Josh will be the first one there. My sister Ellen is very loyal. She has got your back. When it feels like the whole world thinks you are crazy, Ellen says, "You want this? Then let's go get it!"

My family has been truly blessed by having Josh and Ellen in it!

Full Moon Rising

I have a dear friend who I always call on the full moon and howl with. It guarantees we talk once a month and let’s be honest, howling at the moon is fun! If my phone rings on the full moon, no matter where I was, I was howling!! I’ve howled some embarrassing places, but hey friendship rules over manners when it comes to shopping at Walmart, am I right?

With all the giggling this tradition has caused, I decided to share it with my nieces and nephews. It may now be one of my favorite aunty activities. Partially because I’m bad at following the calendar so I never know when the full moon is going to be so it is always a fun surprise but mostly, these kids are simply awesome!

Usually I get to chat with my sister or brother first, a little warm up if you will, and at some point I’ll say, “So it’s a full moon…..” They round up the troops and I get put on speaker phone and from states away we howl and howl! Now here is the awesome part, I get to talk to the kids. I learn things this way things that surprise even Mom & Dad. One niece told me she is going to grow up and have 80 kids – 10 boys and 70 girls. Hefty plans for a 4 year old! The other niece thinks her tap dance costume looks like a cheetah. I told her it was a jungle out there and she said, "No, it's a tap dance costume." This stuff is golden!

Yesterday was technically the full moon, but there is still time…go ahead, call the family! Release the howl.

Boom, boom, boom!

I'm going to start with a family story that is currently on going. My younger brother is getting married in two weeks! It's all very exciting! This couple is solidly awesome. So we've been asking how we can help, what we can do to help in this process and then last night we got the email. We have been recruited to be in a flash mob at the reception! Awesome!

Check out the choreography here: http://youtu.be/fH82_EDkJ8A

After the wedding I'll try to upload the video!

You have no Power over me!

I was talking with an adoptive mother asking her some questions about the whole adoption process. I was laughing at myself about the projects and strange goals I make to keep down the weird anxiety I feel during this wait period. And felt relieved to know, she did it too!

Then I realized one thing that triggers my anxiety is this blog. I stress over it! Am I saying the right things? Am I saying them the right way? I think I’ve made the importance of this blog out to be something WAY bigger than it is. As such, I’m totally going to get all informal and do a series of blogs on family stories.

In my family these stories are told around the dinner table after the meal is eaten but before clean up beings. We all sit around the table, swap stories and laugh. In Josh’s family they are told on the couches in the family room on Sunday nights during treat fest! Josh’s aunts all bring some sweet and everyone gathers around and the giggling beings.

However you’d like to picture it, this is your official welcome to the family!

Pass Alongs, Postcards & Peeps! Oh My!

Our pass along cards arrived and we are very happy with them! The art work was donated by the great artist behind http://www.themodernpolkadot.com/. Go check out her stuff. You can tell she has quite the flair for life just by her designs, we’ve never met but I’m quite enamored with her. She has a swagger I enjoy. Watch the mail loved ones, you should be receiving some soon. We ask that you carry these with you. If the moment is right, share one. If you see a community board, pin one up. Grass roots marketing campaign folks! We also ordered some postcards! See I tend to throw away small cards, but postcards I hold on to forever, something about it being bigger makes me keep it for months and months. I still have Christmas cards on my fridge, it's a problem I know. I’m hoping I’m not the only one with this disease. They look like this:

I love the design on the front. This was also custom made for us. I’ve been overwhelmed by people’s generosity and kindness. Months ago when this was all beginning Josh and I were talking with N.Eve at church about our desire to design t-shirts and do a fundraiser. We chatted about few designs over giddy nursery children and she offered to help us. People, she is amazing! We threw out a ton of random ideas and she designed us this heartwarming image of hope that appeals to everyone. It has become a mantra in our life. I'd really love to get a canvas print made to hang in our home. (Check her out here http://www.etsy.com/shop/nevedobson)

Lastly, I love this time of year. Spring is in full gear! Spring in AZ means 80 -90 degree days, baseball, and our annual Peeps competition. We challenge family and friends to create something using Peeps as their art medium! It is always so fun to see what our tribe comes up with. My mom said she had a dream about what her Peep entry was supposed to be! Challenges are being thrown out right and left. I think it is going to be a hot competition this year! Want to play? Email your entry to us at josh2ellen@gmail.com by April 13th.

Dating and other allergies

Josh and I met at LDS Business College. During his freshman orientation, I was there presenting for the newspaper and there he was, hugging and laughing my co-editor who had been one of Josh’s mission companions. It wasn’t a romantic star crossed lovers moments. In fact, Josh doesn’t even really remember the actual first time we met. He remembers catching up with Elder Gonzo. The only thing that stands out about our very first meeting is that Josh felt really familiar. It felt as though we had known each other for a really long time. Maybe that’s the Shakespearean lovely moment in it all, I feel like I recognized his spirit.

From there it is a series of me putting myself in his way. (I was such a pre-facebook stalker.) His first recollection is a service project our church group did. We were slicing & bagging homemade bread for distribution to less fortunate families. Josh was loading the bread into the slicer, my roommate was loading the bags, I was in charge of the twist tie machine. For the first half of the night he relentlessly flirted with my roomy, who wouldn’t she was gorgeous! And then the twist tie machine got jammed and Josh tried to come to my rescue, which is very sweet in retrospect. However in the moment I was frustrated and I didn’t need to be saved. So I slapped his hand and told him I could handle it. And suddenly I was getting equal flirt time.

I invited him for dinner that Sunday at our apartment and cooked up a big lasagna, salad and magic cookie bars. I’ll email anyone the recipe for these cookies because they are delicious!! Nothing but coconut, chocolate, graham crackers and sugar! Josh is eating along on this gooey heavenly dessert coconut spilling all over the plate when suddenly he says, “These don’t have coconut in them do they? I’m allergic to coconut!” You should have seen the high alert that occurred he had four girls up on their feet anxious and ready to save him. Then he leaned back in his chair and said, “So, which of you girls wants to give me mouth to mouth?”

What can I say…Josh is a smooth operator.

Proposed!

9 years ago on Valentine's Day Josh proposed to me. It was pretty awesome. We were both going to school in Salt Lake City and the 2002 Winter Olympics were occurring. My entire family was in town and all of us were sleeping in my one bedroom apartment in downtown Salt Lake. It was cozy!

My parents had managed to get a tickets package for the Olympics and so that day I got to go see the Super G. After some sweet down hill skiing I came home to a rose and a cd waiting for me at the house. Josh had dropped it off on his way to work. It was an awesome cd full of mooshy gooshy perfect love songs.

About 8 pm that night I got a phone call from a friend, she told me a big long story about how her husband hadn't done anything for Valentine's Day and she was upset. Could she drive downtown and would I meet her at a park and walk around the Olympic village with her? Heck yes I would! I couldn't get enough of the awesome spirit that surrounded the Olympics! I invited my older sister to come along. As we bundled up I remember saying to her, "I think Josh might be considering proposing soon. Don't let me look like a mess like this when he does okay? Make sure I'm hot." She nodded and smiled and away we went.

After about a five minute walk we arrived at the designated park and there standing very romantically on a bridge we often visited was Josh with another rose. My sister gave my hand a good squeeze and winked and took off to a nearby bench. As I approached Josh he gave me the flower and we chatted for a bit. He was supposed to be at work, but he'd gotten it off early. Yes he'd used our mutual friend as a ploy. And then in a moment of total smoothness, he pointed at my right glove and said, "Hey can I use that?" That's when I totally knew!

(sidebar from Josh "In all my scheming. I did not take into account... gloves." " Ill admit it threw me off my groove..")

But he didn't jump right into asking. He kept on small talking. How was my day, did I like my cd, etc. I'll be honest, I finally whispered, "I won't say no." That's when he knelt down and proposed! It was awesome!

We hugged and kissed and were quickly joined by my sister who knew all along what was happening. Probably should have told me to brush my hair. Oh well! As we walked to Josh's truck, my sister kept telling everyone, "They just got engaged. Love is in the air people!" We had several congratulations in different languages before ever reaching the car! We opened the door to my apartment and the whole family was just waiting. Little did I know that while I enjoyed the Super G, Josh had taken the family to lunch and asked for my hand. So everyone knew! Many kisses and hugs were shared.

A little help from Wilson

Do you remember that scene in the movie Castaway where Tom Hanks has been working all day long to make fire? He works and works trying different techniques. He badly cuts his hand, creating Wilson. But he's persistent and eventually there is a little spark. We then see him that night shirt off, pounding his chest around a huge flame, jumping up and down, screaming to the sky, "I HAVE MADE FIRE!! I have made fire."

Not gonna lie, I feel a bit that way about finally getting to post our website. Yes, yes there are some errors (photos not where I want them, typos) but we will fix those in the next week, for now I want to revel in the success! WE HAVE MADE WEBSITE. Bonfire victory dance!

https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/25246336/ourMessage.jsf

Approved

Righteous! Gnarly! Phenomenal!

We were approved last week! Want to hear the story? Here's how it goes.... On your very typical night in suburbia Josh decides to go check the mail.

"Wife, I feel I should go check the mail."

Here's where you should know that this is unusual because we are notoriously bad mail checkers. Only when we know a new netflix is waiting for us do we check our mail. Sorry Mailman! I think now that he may have been prompted to go check the mail and good thing too!

He comes back in and sits across the counter from me, I was cooking dinner, and starts to thumb through the gigantic stack. (We are really bad mail checkers.) Then suddenly he snatches something up and kind of squeals. His eyes get all big and he rips open the envelope. I'll be honest, I'm completely clueless at this point. I thought we'd hear by phone call that we'd been approved. He pulls several pages out of the envelope and as he unfolds a bunch of "Congratulation" glitter falls on my counter. That's when it hit me!! I'll admit I got all kinds of grabby at that point and Josh leaned out of the reach of my hand and read, "It is ordered that the above named applicants is/are certified as acceptable to adopt children pursuant to the laws of the State of Arizona."

I wish we could have recorded the cheers! We jumped around and hollered for a bit. Hugs, kisses, phone calls. It has been a pretty glorious celebration.

And now we get to move forward! Watch out people, good things are coming from us!

Sitting, Wishing, Waiting

People the paperwork is done!  Can I get a what what!?! Yes we've been fingerprinted, house visited, counselled with and referred.  We are taken with our caseworker and are happy to have him as part of our family.  But now we are in limbo. In AZ, and probably other states, all your paper work has to be approved by a judge before you can continue forward.   And so we patiently wait.

We can continue to work on building our LDS Family Services website, but it can't go up until the judge says we are legit.  Also, I'm technically not supposed to have this site, thus the silence for a whole month.  I'll probably continue hibernating until we get the all systems go!

Pray for us that the court system will work efficiently! Until then, this page does not exist...these are not the droids you are looking for.